If there is one thing that makes romance novels super hot, it’s the idea of being ravished. I mean, it helps that all the heroes in the books are square-jawed, broad shouldered and still have all their hair. But still, having a man sweep you off your feet and have his way with you, while you moan and writhe in ecstasy, makes for compelling reading.
What kills the mood more quickly than anything, is a man that says, “I’m pleasing you tonight darling,” but then proceeds to do what HE really wants to do.
First of all, let’s be clear, you are NOT doing what I want, because I didn’t ask for that. And second, if you ARE going to take your pleasure with me, at least do it with some flair and go for it full on.
Admit you are in the role of ‘taker’ and ravish me properly, in other words.
This whole dynamic came up recently with a client. He stated that he wanted to learn how to please women, and was not interested in only taking pleasure for himself. He wanted his partner to enjoy what he was doing. This sounded like a worthy intention for our session and we began our work together.
What became clear fairly soon, was that what he really wanted to experience was having a partner who was willing to be present for his pleasure, and not only present, but fully enjoying the interaction. He insisted that he wanted his partner experience pleasure, but with the same breath, he wanted her to enjoy what he decided to do to her.
So is this possible?
I have found this desire come up with many people in my work. The idea that we can use another person for our pleasure has been made wrong in our society so often, that even in the consensual situation, we find it hard to let go into the ‘taking pleasure’ role.
This is really a travesty. Not that I am advocating for abuse or anyone taking what they want from someone else without consent. But allowing someone you love to have their way with you is one of the hottest things in the bedroom.
Allowing your partner to touch you the way they want to, noticing their eyes greedily taking in your body, knowing they want you desperately, what could be better?
(Well maybe a few things :) but still, it’s pretty sexy to be ravished.)
So, my client began by trying to please his partner, but evolved into taking pleasure from her body. This awoke a wonderful sense of being desired in her body, which translated into a super erotic session for both of them.
What I realized from the work, was that we really need to give ourselves permission to take pleasure. It’s ok to want to ravish our partner. And of course, as long as we stay within consensual boundaries, we can ask for permission to use our partner for our own pleasure. It’s likely that they will also feel sexy and desired, and be happy to allow us that gift.
This, to me, is something we are in danger of losing sight of in today’s concern about rape culture. Abuse and causing someone else pain or discomfort, is never ok, so I am not suggesting we should stop being aware of people’s rights and consent. However, within a healthy relationship, where both people can give consent and trust each other, a little ‘taking’ could be a great experience.
Are you looking for a safe place to explore how to take pleasure?
This is something we work with as Somatic Sex Educators, within the boundaries of consent and by using clear communication skills. Negotiating your next ravishing romance scene could be just around the corner!
To get in touch with me or book a session, visit my website at https://www.pleasureforhealth.com/book-time-with-ailsa