The ability to explore new territory requires a sense of safety in yourself
Many of us have a desire to be open-minded, curious and to explore new things. We are generally born into the world this way. We reach out with our hands and lips almost the moment we arrive.
Over time, life happens, we are not always met with warmth, safety or closeness, and often our bodies learn to contract and contain our desires. Sometimes we lock them away so well, we can’t even remember having them.
When a client comes to me to explore being more in their body, they often hope it won’t require too much energy or uncovering of these forgotten places. They just want the pleasure, the orgasm, the great relationship.
After doing this work for years, I know that this hope is a fantasy. It is not possible to be open and curious at a deep level, about ourselves, our desires, our motivations in relationship, without having an anchor into these hidden parts of self.
It is not imperative that we explore every nook and cranny of our shadow self before embarking on a quest for intimacy. However, we need to be able to drop anchor somewhere in our body. Cultivating a sense of safety and grounding, gives us the ability to explore with the security of knowing the way back home.
The fear that arises as we embark on new explorations of pleasure or feeling, is that we may get overwhelmed or lost in the immenseness of the unknown and we won’t be able to continue our ordinary lives. This can create anxiety, shallow breathing and tense muscles that keep us locked in to old patterns rather than risk a new path.
One of the first things to learn and practice as we begin the path of self discovery, is how to ground and come back to the present moment, and be in our body.
This can be a simple process, and easy to learn. One exercise I love, because of its simplicity and the fact that you can do it just about anywhere is this:
Sit in a comfortable, straight-backed chair, feet planted on the ground. As you breathe in, press the soles of your feet into the ground, and as you breathe out, release the pressure. Continue this pressing and releasing with your breathing as long as you like, but at least 5-10 breaths.
Check in with what you notice in your body, what are you aware of? Try this whenever you feel yourself being swept away by your thoughts or feelings. Practice coming back and grounding and noticing.
This provides you with an anchor as you begin to explore uncharted territory, perhaps a new relationship, or your feelings about your body. Having a few grounding techniques, practiced daily so they are familiar, provides the safety we need to reach out and be curious.
Creating a sense of safety in the body is so important in today’s fast-paced world. It can feel like being assaulted all day by new stimuli. Try this simple breathing and grounding practice every day for a week, and see if there is a shift for you. Perhaps you feel more able to be open-minded and curious, rather than shutting down or becoming aggressive.
Perhaps you will be able to feel more. More pleasure, more aliveness, and more love. Let me know how it goes!
You can reach out to me for guidance and support with this exploration by booking a free 30 minute consult on my website www.pleasureforhealth.com