Ever heard the comment… “If you really loved me, you’d know what I want”
I think we have all heard this at some point, and felt our heart sink into our boots!
We have maybe all said something along these lines to a lover or partner also. I mean wouldn’t it be magical if we could just lay back and enjoy being pleasured and not have to worry about directing or negotiating?
The important word in that last paragraph, in case you didn’t catch it, was ‘magical’. Yes, it would be magical if someone could climb inside our heads and know exactly what we wanted, when we wanted it and be able to deliver it in precisely the right way!
This is one of the most damaging myths out there. We hang our hopes of ‘love’ and ‘soulmate’ on whether the other person can just know what we want. Let me break it to you gently... no one, ever... can know what you want all the time. Perhaps we get lucky now and then. We might guess correctly what our partner wanted at that moment, or they might get our cues right, but it isn’t a matter of loving someone enough.
Love is something we feel about another person, or ourselves, or anything really. It’s not the fact that we can mind read someone! I’ve watched films about people who can tell what you are thinking, ‘read your mind’, and they are not in love with the people they work with. So, let’s take this myth out of circulation and look at what does a loving relationship look like?
Love, is a caring, a consideration of you and your well-being. Love is someone who asks you what you want, and then listens to what you say. Love is having the courage to sometimes say no. If we aren’t able to be 100% in full heart about something, love tells the truth about this. Love might also choose to compromise, but love doesn’t give you grief about this later.
Love is freedom in a way. We choose to love, in every moment. Somehow love lends itself to poetry for explanation, and in the words of Yeats
Had I the heaven's embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light;
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
W. B. Yeats
So, let us not get sidetracked by the myth that someone who really loves us can read our mind. Maybe we can learn to speak more clearly, give them a chance of meeting us halfway.
Communication is such a gift in relationship. This is why I focus on embodied communication with my clients, and in my own relationships. It is a skill worth practicing and learning.
If you are interested in finding out more about my coaching options and practice, please book a free consult. I’d be happy to speak with you about your pleasure, relationships or body issues.