The Myth Of What's In Your Pants

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Even Sex educators can have their flaws!

I found this out while teaching a course recently where I made the mistake of assuming I understood someone’s gender, but found out later, I really didn’t!

It wasn’t because they were hiding anything, it was because I made assumptions based on my conditioning in a binary world of male and female sexes. I happen to fit fairly comfortably under the umbrella of the term ‘female’, and so the issue of gender nonconformity is relegated to an intellectual understanding pretty low down on my priority list.

And that is how I happened to stumble into my error.

I needed a male volunteer for a demo I was going to do for the group, and thinking there was only one obvious man in the room, I turned to him and asked for his help. I knew there was another person there, who identified as somewhere closer to the male end of the spectrum, and because of my failure to at least acknowledge that by asking for a volunteer openly, this person felt slighted and overlooked.

Lucky for me, this person was also very open and aware of themselves, and we were able to talk afterwards without it being an obvious issue in the moment. However, it did make me stop and think about how often I run right through the issue of gender, and continue on with my culturally conditioned actions.

This brings me to the point that accepting a spectrum of genders, or gender fluidity, or the idea of being queer, is difficult to do if we don’t practice it and keep it forefront in our thoughts. I pride myself on being fairly open-minded, but I realize I have a ways to go in embodying the idea of non binary genders.

And as many of you know by now, ‘embodiment’ is what I work with!

I am honoured to have had this experience, and be made aware of how I can further embody the idea that all people are acceptable and that gender doesn’t have to be defined by what’s in your pants.

What is your relationship with gender?  Do you presume to know how people identify themselves, by what you see? What their body looks like? The tone of their voice? What their genitals look like?

What if we just asked them?

That would be a pretty radical idea for many of us to put into practice, but perhaps it’s about time to really embody this change of attitude and not just pay lip service to it.

Being a sex educator has opened so many doors in my head it’s sometimes dizzying. The word educator is an important component of what I do and to be a great teacher, we must have the humility to keep learning.

What would you like to learn about gender? About sex? About your body? About your partner? About what is possible in terms of pleasure?

So much to keep learning!!

If you would like to get curious about learning something new, maybe now is the time to book a free consult with me and discuss what your edge might be. Where would you like to grow?

Booking a time to talk is easy, go to my website and click on ‘schedule and appointment’

I look forward to learning with you!

In pleasure,