Is limitless expansion really the goal?

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What happens when we decide to expand our consciousness in a relationship?

This idea of continual expansion being the key to a more pleasurable experience of relationships and even life in general, strikes me as one-sided. I imagine a balloon being blown up and finally popping when it reaches its breaking point.

Would we finally explode with the effort of continual expansion? What might work better as a model for healthy intimacy?

My understanding of biology, of our cells, our bodies and even the earth, is that there is a continual ebb and flow of life force. Things expand and then contract, in a pulsing rhythm.

So taking this idea of pulsation to our consciousness, how does this relate to our inner work?

Recently I had a personal experience of witnessing this in my partner. I recognized the feelings because I have felt them myself on numerous occasions.

We had spent the weekend having some very deep, heart-opening conversations and we were both feeling the powerful draw of feeling closer together. Then on Monday morning, we talked and things felt off. There was nothing overtly wrong, and we weren’t upset, but the connection wasn’t there in the way that it had been all weekend.

In the past, I might have taken this as a sign that he wasn’t into me, or I’d done something wrong. I’d have made up a story about how it was all about me. However, I have done enough work in this field to know that sometimes after a particularly cosy and intimate sharing, we need to pull back for a bit.

I suggested this to my partner and we both laughed as we recognized the truth of this pulsation in our own relationship. We had taken a leap toward intimacy, and now was a time for retreating back and finding our own space and comfort zone again. I am positive that more steps towards intimacy will arise as our relationship progresses, and that it is ok to enjoy the sereneness of the withdrawal also, without making it ‘bad’.

Have you experienced this pulsation of closeness and withdrawal in your own relationships? Perhaps, at work, or with family? Have you been able to relax and enjoy both polarities of the experience?

To me, it makes sense that our mind and emotions would follow the physiology of the body. We expand and then we contract. We look outwards for stimulation and then we withdraw and reflect on our experiences. If we don’t make one ‘good’ and the other ‘bad’ we would probably feel much less angst in our relationships.

We could really ‘go with the flow’ so to speak. Really our cells and our bodies have such wisdom, it only makes sense to take that as a model for our interpersonal experiences also.

How can we become more aware of our own body sensations? This is the focus of somatic coaching and intimacy work. There are many ways to increase our awareness of ourselves as both biological and spiritual beings. This is a core focus of my work with clients and for my own self!

Interested to find out more?

Book a free consult on my website

I look forward to speaking with you,

In pleasure,