What do your eyes say about you?
Have you every looked someone in the eyes and known instinctively what they were thinking or feeling? What about noticing that far away stare of someone who isn’t listening to what you are saying? Why is connecting through our gaze often so scary anyway?
I have been fascinated with this topic of what our eyes are showing for awhile now. Personally, I have had some issues with my own eyesight, that has led me to search for different understandings of what is going on when our sight is affected.
Is it coincidental that ‘eye’ and ‘I’ are both said the same way in our language? Is the real sense of who we are communicated through our eyes?
As babies, our gaze can focus only a few inches away, as far as our mother’s face as she holds us. We lock onto that sense very early as a way to connect and give and receive love. When our mother puts us down and goes out of sight, we miss her. We feel safe when we can see her face.
It sometimes happens that we don’t have the best caretakers when we are young, or that they are unavailable to us to deeply connect to. Sometimes they want to but for whatever reason, can’t be available to meet all our needs. This is a normal experience, as we rarely grow up without some sense of ‘lack’ in our relationships. We begin to search for other connections, we ‘look’ for love and acceptance in a wider circle.
Still our eyes play a big part in this process.
… ‘our eyes locked across the room, and we had this incredible connection right away’
… ‘love at first sight’
… ‘you have the most beautiful eyes’
These are such common phrases that we sometimes forget what we are actually saying.
The more present we are to ourselves and our internal experience in our body, the more we can connect outwards to other people. Our energy can be directed through our gaze also
… ‘she sent daggers with her eyes’
… ‘he had a penetrating gaze’
So we take in or receive through our eyes and we send out and give away with our eyes. What an incredible thing!
When was the last time you looked deeply into a lover’s eyes?
Do you close your eyes when you are having sex?
Can you look at your partner and tell them how you feel honestly, without looking away?
This practice of bringing our presence to our eyes and our gaze can help us create more connection in our relationships. The absence of a direct eye connection, can also create distance between people.
Try it out, ask a friend or loved one to sit and connect with your eyes for 2 minutes. This is called eye-gazing, and is practiced as a way of building intimacy. Don’t use words, just sit and look into each other’s eyes for 2 minutes. After the time is up, perhaps share and reflect on how that was for you, what feelings or clarity came up for you, and listen to your partner’s experience also.
Let me know what came up for you as you did this exercise. Let’s be curious together about how we ‘see’ each other, through our eye gaze.
You can always reply directly to the email, or write a comment on my blog. If your curiosity is piqued enough, you may want to book a free consult with me by phone or online, to see if working with me around intimacy and relationships might be the right next step for you.
I look forward to connecting with you!