Listening to the radio recently, this song was on by Lisa LeBlanc.
“I love you, I don’t love you, I don’t know”
The lyrics came back to me again after having what could only be described as one of those confusing and exasperating conversations. My partner and I began innocently enough discussing a podcast episode. Should be a safe topic!
We agreed the material was inspiring, we compared notes on what we would like to learn more about…..
And then…I started to cry!
I wasn’t sure exactly why to start with. I felt attacked, although my logical mind knew this wasn’t the case. Was I just being typically ‘female and emotional’? Was he just being judgmental?
I couldn’t figure it out.
“I love you, I don’t love you, I don’t know.” Went through my head. I mean not really literally, but in the moment I had some confusion around what I felt, just like the song.
An hour and a half later, I had cried some more, and he had listened. We both had shared some thoughts and feelings. We were both grateful for the mysterious experience of being in an intimate relationship…. And I was still confused!
Have you had this experience with a loved one? Have you sat there after a particularly in depth conversation with your eyes crossing and your head shaking in wonder?
Perhaps this is the gift of relationship, I told myself.
We get to try and climb inside someone else’s head, someone else’s feelings and thoughts. We try and relate to them, to learn from them, to even see ourselves mirrored in them.
It’s still pretty damn confusing though.
So he had to go, and we had to end the conversation. (I know you are wondering what happened, right?) Intimacy expert and all… I should have some wonderfully enlightening advice.
Well actually, my partner told be to look up the ‘Ida and Pingala nadis’. If you are not familiar with them, they are the two energy channels that weave back and forth up your spine and cross over at each of your chakras. He suggested that my feelings of being too close and then not close enough in our relationship were symbolized in the two channels weaving towards and away from each other.
He also said they met each other at each chakra, which I found very touching. We can sometimes oscillate between feeling alone and feeling bonded in a relationship, and that is ok! It is just part of the overall pattern.
We’d all love to be able to stay in the middle and just be in blissful union all the time, but for now, as long as we are still meeting up at the pivotal points, I am grateful.
How do you navigate the ups and downs in your relationships? Do you have anxiety, fear or panic? Do you push everyone away and isolate yourself? If you find it difficult to navigate these ups and downs you are not alone.
This is exactly why relationship coaching can be so important. Learning communication, boundaries, consent, loving connection, and don’t forget ‘how to have great sex’ is all part of the wonderful experience of relating to someone else.
Want to find out more?
Check out my website at www.pleasureforhealth.com