As some of you are aware, I spent 3 weeks with my partner over the Holiday season this year, and what I really became aware of was this:
great sex takes work,
it takes skill,
it takes patience and most of all,
it takes a commitment to keep learning and
be open to discovering ourselves and our partner/s in a new way - every time!
Now, to be honest, I am very aware of how much there is to learn about relationships and intimacy, it is my business to know! However, I was not prepared to be challenged so much in my assumptions, and my confidence. All of our insecurities come up when we get naked in the bedroom, and I found out that I was no exception in this.
I realized that just because I had learned to touch one person, that was not the way to necessarily touch another person. My partner quickly pointed out that he was not the same as my previous partners and proceeded to inform me of his particular likes and dislikes about being touched.
I had to have a beginner’s mind when it came to exploring our intimate touch, while still holding my self confidence intact. No small feat!
I have to confess, I had a little meltdown about not feeling that I was ‘good’ at touching him. I touch people for a living, and yet, here I was having to learn a new way with a new person. What’s up with that!
So, I asked my partner for some validation that I was indeed ‘good’ at touching, AND then he shared how I could improve some of my touches to make them even more enjoyable for him. Bingo! I was able to hear his suggestions from a place of feeling loved, and our encounters improved.
Two things to notice here:
I needed some reassurance first before being able to ‘hear’ some constructive criticism from my partner
When I did listen with an open mind, things actually did improve, which benefits both of us, Yay!
My wisdom from this time with my partner is that creating phenomenal intimacy does take work and effort, and a letting go of what we thought, so as to be open to a new way. If we can do this, the rewards are many. A deeper connection with our partner/s and more pleasure for everyone involved. We also practiced our communication and created a deeper commitment to each other to learn and grow together.
Sex and relationships are such a wonderful path to self knowledge!
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