So often these blogs arise out of my own daily experiences. This one is no exception. No matter how much I think I have it all figured out, this relationship stuff, things come up and surprise me!
I have a lot going on, (this probably doesn’t surprise most of you) and I am usually mulling over some issue or other. This morning, looking back, I was a little agitated. It could have been the snow, it could have been the fact that I haven’t had many clients this week, it could have been the fact that I had to reschedule appointments for my kids.
It could have been all of those things.
However, the fact was I felt agitated. My body was unsettled, my mind couldn’t settle, I didn’t know what to do with my unexpected day off.... and then the phone rang.
My partner was on the other end of the line, he was checking in as he usually does before work. Most days I am happy to share the trivialities of my sleep, my morning, sometimes my dreams, and to listen to his musings on life as it occurs this day.
But today I opened my mouth and started talking.... and talking... and talking...I couldn’t stop. There was so much to say, and no rhyme or reason with how to say it. The wanderings of my awareness wound in and out, until even I lost my way.
He listened, and then tried to speak, ask a question, participate in the conversation, and I couldn’t make space for him like I usually do. I needed to talk, to purge, to clear my head, and so I kept talking.
After a few minutes, he stopped trying to interject, and just listened. He was somewhat graceful about it, as he is a generous man, but I could feel his frustration also.
Finally I ground to a halt. My torrent of words reached their end, and I stopped, kind of bewildered. I knew I hadn’t let him get a word in edgewise for at least 20 minutes.
“I’m sorry I talked so much. I think I just needed to get it out.” I ventured a little sheepishly.
“It did seem like you didn’t want to hear from me at all this morning,” he remarked, not unkindly.
“I needed to just speak,” I said, “I’m sorry.”
“That’s ok, I just wish I’d known that 20 minutes ago!” He replied, “I would have been able to listen much better knowing that was what you needed.”
This answer brought unexpected tears to my eyes. The fact that I could have the need to be listened to, and have him meet that need, was such a new idea for me! I mean, aren’t women supposed to listen, empathize, console?
Of course, it makes sense though that we women also have the need to be heard, to have someone just listen as we process our thoughts. Such an amazing experience to actually take in!
I realized today how women are often trained or culturally taught that our role is to listen, not to speak. Today I realized how amazing it is to have an enlightened man in my life to point this out and actually give me the experience of being heard.
So, I had to write about it, and tell all of you also!
When have you last really listened to your partner or loved one? When have you given them the gift of your attention?
This is the gift I endeavour to give my clients every time I work with them. Having the chance to experience it myself made me realize again how important this work is. Being heard, listened to, with attention and compassion really is one of the most loving things we can do for each other.
Would you like to experience being heard in you story, your vulnerability, your humanness? Book a call with me, and I will do my best to listen, and to attend to your longings, your desires and hopes.
Click the link and scroll down to ‘book a free 30 minute consult’ and sign up for a time to talk. I look forward to hearing from you.