So here we are at the third blog about my journey studying to be a Somatic Sex Educator. If you missed my last two blogs, you might want to start by catching up with those! It’s been a wild ride so far.
I wanted to touch on something that really stuck in my mind from the course reading this week.
“There is often more difference between people’s genitals that are the same gender than there are between people of different genders.”
So what does that mean? Well, to put it simply, it means we are all different. No surprise there in our heads, but then, Why do we insist on ‘teaching’ about sex, as if we are all the same?
How many of you have read a blog, or picked up a ‘How to’ book about sex, only to have a list of techniques to do to your partner that will, for sure, drive them wild, and give them awesome orgasms? And maybe you even got adventurous and tried a couple of them with your partner?
And then....well, if it worked and you had the best sex ever and your partner professed undying love for you, then great! But I’m gonna guess that fireworks didn’t quite go off, and there was still a lot of fumbling and uncertainty about what you and your partner actually enjoyed.
So here is where I step in to tell you, we are all different! And the person who wrote the book or the blog or whatever may well have seen stars when someone did ‘that thing’ to them. But we aren’t all the same, in fact, we are all unique. Especially when it comes to sex and pleasure and how we like our genitals touched.
So now what, you ask? How the heck am I going to learn anything about sex, or be a better lover, if there is no guidebook? Well, here is where the work comes in, (or the play).
Genital mapping is a term we use in Sex education to talk about exploring someone’s genitals and what they like and don’t like as far as touch or sensation on different parts. One has to approach with a beginner’s mindset, forget everything you ever knew about genitals! Ask the owner of said genitals to help guide you around, show you the ropes, so to speak. Isn’t it obvious that each person probably knows their own body better than anyone else?
If they need a little encouragement to explore, then give them a hand (pun intended). Try some different touches on various areas, ask the person how it feels? Would they like the touch firmer or lighter? Faster or slower?
Ask! And of course, listen!
The person will help you map out their own unique body. You will always be surprised! I do this for a job, and I am continually surprised by how different each body is. Don’t assume that because the last partner you had liked it that way, that every subsequent partner you are intimate with, will love that too. Approach each person as a unique and special being. Honour them and accept the challenge to learn about their body. Be a good student! It will pay off, I promise.
And so, I am still curious and enthralled, as I work with any new person. We are all unique. We are all beautiful. Our bodies and our genitals teach us so much about relationships and having no expectations or preconceived ideas.
I am so grateful to be able to do this work.