The Surprising Benefits Of Empowering Choice And Voice Around Sex

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I decided to write today about something I’ve noticed for myself recently. It surprised me to notice this as I was not expecting this kind of effect. What am I talking about, you ask?


I know that’s a word that gets thrown around a lot these days, and even I, roll my eyes when I see another slogan with the message of ‘empower yourself’ written blithely on a landing page for another coaching course. So, here’s the thing, empowerment is possible. It isn’t something you always get in ‘three easy steps’, but it is possible to live into, in your body. I’ll tell you how I found this out for myself.

Recently I had been asked by my daughter to help her switch her courses around at school. She had gone to her guidance counselor and tried to ask about it. The answer she got, if it was even an answer, was an “I can’t help with that, it's against school policy” with the accompanying hands in the air gesture of helplessness. My daughter, feeling she had not been listened to, left the room, before she ‘lost her shit’, as she put it. She then went to the Vice Principal and before she could get one sentence out, was interrupted by the same “I can’t help you” reply and basically left the room in tears, unable to speak.

This was where back up was called in, or rather, Mom. I decided as it was my day off, that I should just go to the school and see the VP for myself. After being brushed off by a rude secretary who was having a bad day, and waiting in the office for a while, as no one could tell me what he had scheduled that afternoon, I got a few minutes in his office. I was given the same stonewall, hands up, I can’t do anything bullshit, and told to see the principal.

So you get the idea. Life is frustrating, and many of us are in positions where we feel disempowered and unable to act on anything. But this is where I got my surprising realization. You see, I’ve been in this place lots of times. Up against a wall, not getting anywhere. And in the past, I’ve usually backed down, murmuring some kind of apology under my breath, even as my anger burned inside me. This time I felt different. I had things I wanted to say, and I sat there in the car and wrote an email.

I wrote about the situation, clearly and without apology, and I wrote about what I wanted to see for my daughter. I felt amazing! Just writing it and clicking send gave me an instant energy boost. I was empowered.

I ended up writing another email to follow up, and again, I stood my ground and expressed myself with passion and clarity. This was where I stopped and asked myself how I had gained the ability to do this, where in the past, I would have been too scared? How had I become empowered to speak up?

And I realized, it's through my work with sex and having choice and voice around my own body and my desires. I have learned skills that are rippling out into other areas of my life, and that is amazing! What if more people became empowered, by learning to speak about what they want, what they desire, what brings them pleasure? Maybe we don’t always get everything we ask for, but damn it feels good to be able to ask!

Pleasure ripples, empowerment ripples, these are my lessons from my own life that I share with you! Maybe knowledge and awareness ripple out too. Let me know. Leave a comment.

From one powerful being to another,