This One Thing Can Destroy Desire

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I am recently embarking on the adventure of co-creating a new intimate relationship. Of course, being me, my intention is to bring all my wisdom and awareness to the process, and hopefully not fall into too many of the usual ‘relationship’ traps.

So along these lines, I recently had an aHa moment, when listening to one of Caroline Myss’s talks on the archetypes. My realization was this, that if one person in the relationship began relating from their child part of themselves, and the other person flipped into a parental role, sexual desire would suffer between them.

Now you may think this wouldn’t happen very often, after all we are all adults, are we not?

And I would beg to differ.

This dynamic happens all the time in romantic partnerships, and the more oblivious we are to it, the more it happens!

I’ll give you an example:

Let’s say you are feeling beaten down by a hard day at work, and you come home with the idea that you would just like to be held by your partner. You fantasize about them taking care of the kids and dinner, maybe running you a bath and tucking you up on the couch with a glass of wine and the remote, promising to ‘take care’ of everything else.

What does that sound like to you? Does it sound like a child, wanting to be nurtured?

Maybe just a little bit.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing inherently bad about this aspect of ‘caring’ for each other. But tell me this, does it make you feel sexy?

No, me either.

Here’s another example. Let’s say that your partner is not so great at saving money, and that you are quite adept at this. They ask you to help them save up by giving some money to you every week for ‘safekeeping’. They have let go of their own financial responsibility and are expecting you to take that on for them.

What does that sound like to you?

A kid asking a parent to keep their money safe, and take responsibility for their spending habits? Does this sound familiar? Can you imagine this dynamic killing the romance?

I can for sure.

My skin prickles when I feel I have to take on responsibility for something my partner should be grown up enough to handle. I mean, it’s true, we all have different talents, and maybe one of you is better with money. But wouldn’t you want your partner to come to you for advice, and then take that advice and learn to deal with saving their own $$?

That would make me love, respect, and yes DESIRE them a lot more!

Part of ourselves will probably always be the child looking for a parent. But in order to hot things up in the bedroom, you’ve got to both be adults!

Take a look at your own relationships and experiences and let me know what you think. If you are looking for professional intimacy or relationship coaching, book a free consult with me. I’d be more than thrilled to see if we are a fit to work together.

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With love,