Maybe it is just too hard
This is a common feeling amongst people of all genders when faced with the inevitable changes that occur when relationships grow, come together or fall apart.
“What if it sends me over the edge? I’m already coping with more than I can handle... just let my relationship stay the same and not challenge me too much.”
These words run through our head, as we wake up, roll over sleepily, stretch and stagger to the bathroom in the morning. We don’t want to make time for ‘relationshipping’, we are already overwhelmed with work, kids, life. Can’t our intimate relationship partners just be there when we need them, and sit quietly in the corner when we don’t? Then we could just bring them out, dust them off, when we want a date night, or a cuddle on the couch.
Is having a relationship, a successful relationship, always hard work?
This is a question I am asking myself more and more these days, as I begin working (and playing) with a new partner myself.
Is it possible that I could embrace the changes, even get excited about them, and look forward to those deep conversations and exchanges that challenge me?
Well, of course, there are times I am happy to engage in this heart work of creating intimacy. And yet, I am afraid of the change that will inevitably come as a result of it. It seems that no sooner do we get our life semi sorted out, then the Divine comes along and changes the rules.
So is it desirable to stay rooted in our traditional patterns, live an unchallenged life?
Personally, I don’t think so.
We grow and learn wisdom by taking up the work of embracing change, of staying open to the chaos of life in all its glory. Maybe, being sent over the edge, is exactly where we need to go, in order to get to the good stuff. Maybe, it will seem too hard, but when we get through to the other side, we will be stronger, wiser and proud of our new found strength.
If we let go of our death grip and moved as a king or queen through our personal realm, maybe we would have found the keys to self esteem, forgiveness and compassion.
A friend told me a story the other day of how her son, who is an ER doctor, helped an elderly patient with dementia, confront her fears of being ‘taken away’. She had fallen and was taken to hospital where she was put in a bed, awaiting her tests and X-rays. For whatever reason makes sense in a mind clouded by dementia, she decided that the porters and nurses were all in cahoots to have her taken away. (God knows where, but that is beside the point) She was petrified, and had wrapped her thin, bony hands around the bed post in a death grip, that no one could break.
Finally, in desperation, the nurse called this doctor and explained the situation. He came up and talked to her, in that inspired way that sometimes occurs to us, he said he had her carriage and that he needed a Queen to sit in it. “Will you be my queen?” He asked, gesturing to the wheelchair/ carriage. “Oh yes”, she smiled, and cocked her head coyly. In no time at all, he had her in the chair, covered with a sheet (her lap rug), and her hair all nicely done for the admiring crowds who awaited her arrival. As he steered her by the nurses station, the doctor had to hold himself together, as she waved in a queenly manner at all the ‘commoners’.
This story was so sweet, and it reminded me, that if we could only embody that king/ queen energy, things might not seem so scary. In archetypal terms, the King or Queen, is the mature form of the child (princess or prince). As we go through life, one aim is to ‘grow up’ or grow into our wisdom.
Would things seem ‘too hard’ if you were a King? A Queen?
Somehow, I don’t think so.
What would that be like, to embody our king or queen energy, even just for a few minutes? Just walking like a Royal, can be a meditation in itself. Maybe you would like to try it. Walk down the road as if you were a king or queen and see how it feels. Enter your house like one, does it change your demeanour? Do you think you would act and speak differently with your intimate partner if you truly came from this place? Would it still be too hard to face change?
Using this somatic (body) sense of feeling, is central to my work with clients. We can work with different feelings, energies and even archetypes, in order to get the outcomes we want in our relationships.
If this interests you. Book a free consult with me. We can discuss the best path forward in your own personal journey. This 30 minute meeting is absolutely free with no obligation, and can be in person or by phone or video call.
I look forward to speaking with you