My what? You ask.
I don’t know if I have a dominant side. What even is a dominant side? Do you mean all that 50 shades stuff? Handcuffs and things?
Well, the word dominant can mean lots of things to different people. It’s definitely been co-opted by the kinky community, and for some of us that aren’t hardcore, it can bring up a little anxiety.
What if you want to dip your toe into the power dynamics that are possible in a relationship, without scaring your partner or potential partner into a hasty retreat? What if you are basically a strong and independent woman, who has worked hard to value herself, and you want to portray that in your romantic partnerships? Can it be done, without losing the benefits of being feminine?
I would say yes! Especially if you look at the exploration with a sense of humour and play. In my experience, many men (and women too), like being told what to do in bed. Now, this is not the same as everyday nagging. When you tell your partner for the umpteenth time to take out the trash or wash the dishes, with that eye roll and a long sigh. This is about finding your power, and asking for what you want!
Let’s say that every Saturday night, you suggest a date night, and for the most part, you acquiesce to his choice of take-out food. You flick through Netflix to find a movie you can both tolerate. You cuddle on the couch in your sweats, holding a glass of wine. When its bedtime, you are both yawning, and you crawl into bed, barely able to stay awake for the requisite love-making. You fall asleep wondering where all the excitement in your relationship has gone?
Exactly my point! Enter, the Dominant woman.
What if, and this is only a suggestion, feel free to ad lib on your own. But what if, you put on that corset that you’ve kept pushed to the back of your underwear drawer for months, you put some lipstick on, and maybe a pair of heels, and you strode into the living room, where your unsuspecting man was waiting. What if, you tried some dialogue like this...
“Hey, big boy,”
“I’m getting hungry”
“I think you should order in (insert your Favorite food) and while we are waiting for the delivery guy...I could try out the hors oeuvre (wink seductively and let your gaze fall on his man parts)”
“Or better yet, you could worship at my temple gates” (again wiggle your ass seductively but commandingly)
I’m guessing there are very few men, especially if they have chosen to be with you, who wouldn’t be quite eager to please you, upon hearing these type of commands. If you get good at it, you could even command him to clean for you, (wearing nothing but an apron), and get the housework done as well as fulfill your erotic fantasies!
There is always ‘punishment’ for lack of eagerness, that you can dole out. You might find you actually quite enjoy getting into your dominant role. Many women and men, find the exchange of power in play is very stimulating to the relationship in general. If you want to explore more ideas for your inner Dom, there are lots of resources out there, and places to learn.
Exploring all sides of your sexual self is liberating, and can enhance your social abilities in all areas of your life. Some women experience an enhanced sense of confidence with their boss or co-workers. Some women find their body image is improved as they find ways to acknowledge their own desires and sexuality.
If you would like to explore finding your authentic dominant voice, contact me for a session. There is nothing better than a safe place to try out your commands!