I hear this from so many men, this desire to please their female partners. Often they laugh and say they wish there was a manual that went with the woman. I mean women are complex, right? We are notoriously hard to read, and we seem to have a penchant for changing our minds right when things are going well. I mean what is a guy to do?
Couple that with the fact that women want more than ever from their men, and its a recipe for feeling like a failure. Men should be strong, able fix ‘stuff’ around the house, able to cook and do dishes, oh and don’t forget helping with the kids. And after all that, they should bring us a glass of wine, and look lovingly into our eyes, and ask us how our day went. You know, like they do in the movies.
Now don’t get me wrong, I think we are moving in the right direction with gender equality and all. But maybe we are getting stuck in our own stories just a little bit. I mean, if we are all people, then we maybe need to look at each other as people and peel off those gender stereotypes that continue to undermine our expectations in romantic relationships.
One of the biggest stories is the one about pleasing a woman in bed. You know the one. Guy gets hard, a woman loves it, sex happens and its all great. I’m going to challenge your ideas on that one for a minute. First of all, ‘guy gets an erection’, does not have to be the first step in the process. It doesn’t have to happen at all, and you can still have a great time in bed. Trust me on this one! Fingers, tongue, hands, toes, they can all come in handy.
Many men think that if they can’t get an erection, for whatever reason, all is lost. And many women do still buy into that. But, men, here is where you can introduce her to a whole new world! Many women get more pleasure from other kinds of stimulation. Be bold and explore using toys, or other parts of your body to tantalize her. Remember also, the whole body can be an erogenous zone, not just the genitals. How many of you love when someone plays with the hair at the back of your neck, or caresses your inner thighs?
Be creative, talk about what you like and don’t like with your partner. Many couples, for whatever reason, can’t have penis in vagina intercourse, and still manage to have a fulfilling sex life. There are many great places to learn about other options. If you have given up pleasing your partner, because you can’t get an erection, its time to think again. She will be happy you did!
Talk to a sex coach, find some online resources, visit your local sex store, there are many places to ask for help. Don’t just make do with mediocre, if you want better physical intimacy, take action!
Oh, and if you prefer other gender combos for your intimate relationships, same advice applies!