How can we spice up our sex lives again?
I wanted to address this topic because it is one of the most common issues I hear about on a daily basis. We all hear about couples becoming ‘best friends’ or about ‘lesbian bed death’ or how ‘we haven’t had sex in months’, or ‘he/she is just not interested in me anymore’ from our friends, coworkers, on TV. The idea that inevitably our sex lives diminish the longer we stay with someone in a committed relationship, or the older we get, is endemic in our society.
If you thought to yourself ‘that’s not us, we are doing great!’, then congratulations! You are one of the few lucky ones. But if, any part of this idea rings true to you, then read on!
Of course, this is not a simple problem with a one-stop solution, but I thought I’d share a fun idea with you that is easy to try, and might spark a move in the right direction (ie. to the bedroom...or anywhere else you fancy some hot and steamy action!)
I usually suggest this exercise with my clients at some point in our work together, I ask them to think about their fantasies, about what they desire, what turns them on. For some, they have a list a mile long right off the bat, but often people just look at me blankly. “Fantasies? What are those?” With a shake of their heads, they wrack their brains for something that turns them on, even in their brain.
So, if you’re struggling in the bedroom, and you just don’t seem to have the desire or the passion for sex anymore, and you want to change that, then this exercise is something to try.
Write your own erotica!
Yes! Yes! I am serious. Try writing your own erotic story. It can be short and sweet, or long and involved, but try writing something sexy or romantic that turns you on. Because its a story, you can make it as wild and crazy as you want, or as romantic as your heart desires. You can make yourself the main character, how you want to look and act like, or you could be the fly on the wall, watching it all unfold. Unleash yourself! Write naughty words if you like, have multiple people in your story, have the setting be anywhere you like! It’s your story.
If you are really daring you can write a scene and then give it to your partner to write the next scene, and swap back and forth. I have done this a few times, and it is incredibly fun to see where my partner goes with the story, and I learn many things about their personal erotic style that I can use on our dates later on.
If this all sounds a little intimidating, or you don’t know where to start, I’ll give you a couple of excerpts of my favourite writings. Read them, take a deep breath, and jump into your own fantasy world of erotica. Happy writing!
‘The air was hot and sultry, the feel of an impending thunderstorm. She picked up the basket and headed inside. She checked the windows were closed and the shed doors locked. She set down the flowers and headed back out to make sure things were battened down, the wind and rain could be fierce here. Grabbing a gas lantern from the shed on the way back, the darkness of the storm descended more quickly than she had expected.
Turning to go inside, she noticed an old beaten up car turn into the driveway. Surprised, she waited by the door. They were not expecting any visitors. The car crawled up the gravel drive and squeaked and clanged to a halt in front of the porch. She waited, tense, her body tightening at the unexpectedness of it. Taking a deep breath she watched the car door open, and a tall man got out.
Her breath exhaled sharply as he turned to face her with a rueful grin.’
Or a bit more steamy....
‘"Wait, stop," I smiled down at her, as I put my finger under her chin and lifted her face to mine. "I couldn't care less if I saw the castle today or not. Not after meeting you." I reached down and kissed her lips softly, brushing against her forehead and nose on the way. She resisted at first but as my mouth moved on hers, I could feel her body respond in that sensual way she had of moving that sent sparks through me all over again. I could feel her hips pressing slightly into my legs, and her breasts lifted as she breathed, sending signals straight to my groin. I heard myself moan slightly as i felt my erection grow. Damn! So awkward in my shorts. I felt her body against my cock, and I knew she felt it too. Her lips parted with a sigh, and it was as if she melted into my arms’
‘Hanneke reaches down and begins to unbutton Ingrid’s blouse. It does not take much effort as the buttons have been straining to contain their contents for some time. As the last button comes undone, Ingrid shrugs the blouse off her shoulders. Hanneke then sinks to her knees, to unbutton, unzip and remove Ingrid’s jeans. Ingrid is left standing in a matching red bra and panties—the same color as the tulips she was hiding behind when I first saw her today.’
Enjoy the inspiration, and let me know how it goes.