Everyone Wants Better Sex But No One Wants To Talk About It!

By Ailsa Keppie BSc. Hons. RMT MFR Therapist

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I see it all around me, everywhere I turn there are allusions to sex. From the billboard ads for lipstick, to the latest commercial for chocolate (aka orgasm maker). We are surrounded by things that are meant to turn us on, get us going, motivate us, but to what end? To buy the latest pair of shoes? To drive a nice car? To invite our friends over for wine and chocolate? All of these things necessitate buying more material things in a pointless chase for that elusive climax. 

Whatever happened to relationship, to having sex because it feels good, and connects us in ways that material things never can? Maybe we are so starved for love, that anything promising even a very poor alternative to it draws us irresistibly. Advertisers know this, and they use it shamelessly to arouse our desire for pleasure, promising us the world, and providing only emptiness. 

So how do we take back our own power, our own sexual energy and desire? I believe we can only do this when we open up and talk about it. Talk about our wants and needs, what we like and what we don’t. Sure this can feel vulnerable and scary, but isn’t regaining our sovereignty worth it? Wouldn’t most of us want a world where good relationships were fostered, and we were taught skills and encouraged to be more aware of ourselves? 

This brings me to my point. Everyone wants better sex but no one wants to talk about it. This is just as ridiculous as saying “I want to be a doctor, but I don’t want to study.” We only learn and get better at things by practicing and probably having some great teachers and guides, along the way. We have been silenced and shushed long enough around sexuality, out society is out of balance and crying for more connection. 

There are many ways to foster more connection and trust between people, and groups, all of which are helpful. What interests me though, is how sex and intimate relationships, can help us to do this too, in powerful ways! We are sexual beings, it is a strong driving force in our culture. We should reclaim the energy of our arousal, and use it to bring more love to ourselves, each other and the world around us. 

So, how to do this? Where do we go for information and mentors? There are more and more sex educators and counsellors out there these days, more good information available on the web. One piece that is missing and is only just being recognized is the importance of the body in our reactions and responsiveness to touch and intimacy. A new group of healing professionals are taking up this task. They are helping people work through their old stories, or  find more pleasure in their own experience. Sexological bodyworkers are ‘healers on the edge’. We are working to change societies’ wide held beliefs that anything to do with sex is dirty or shameful, or even just ‘not shared in public’. 

We assist people to explore their own relationship to their body, to their past sexual experiences and to craft an intention and a way toward experiences that they would like to have with themselves and with others. It is my great pleasure and honour to be a guide and a witness to beautiful, profound transformation in my clients and in people who I reach by other means. 

There is a call in the world today to wake up, to stand in our own power, to accept ourselves fully, and consequently have compassion and acceptance for others who may be different from us. I would ask you to listen to this call, to notice what draws you in and why. Be aware of your own energy and arousal, listen to the messages of your heart. Question yourself when you are feeling a compulsion to buy something. Do you really want that object or are you craving something else, intimacy perhaps? 

It is possible to live a fully awakened life, full of pleasures, and yes struggles and sufferings too, but to stay fully present and in our hearts is worth it. Our world needs us to be lovers, dare to begin the journey. 

With love,

Ailsa